When you feel lonely or alone as a Christian, first know that that is not God’s heart for you to feel this way, but He may have a purpose in it. Feeling alone is caused by feeling an absence of connection with God and people, but what causes it, and what can we do about it?

This loss of connection can be caused by lots of things. For example, a feeling of shame from something you did wrong, or instead of shame, just a season of change, like moving to a new area and having to start over. At times, it can be challenging to pinpoint what is causing difficulty in connecting with others and God. However, taking the time to seek understanding with God about why you feel this way can help you pray more effectively and take action. 

All of this can feel like others, and God have left you alone. When we feel this way, we need to know this is not what God wants. He tells us to draw near to Him, and He will draw near to us. (James 4:8) Nearness is the opposite of being alone. He also tells us not to neglect meeting with one another so that we can encourage and build one another up. (Hebrews 10:25) This means for us to be around other believers and to support and encourage each other in good and bad times. If you aren’t involved in a local church where you can be open and honest with other believers, that is a great place to start. Start attending regularly, join a small group, and consider volunteering. Some of my best friendships have come as a result of small groups and volunteering.

Reflect on Why You Feel Alone

However, even if you are around people, it doesn’t mean you won’t ever feel alone or lonely as a Christian at times. It is God’s heart for us to be in connection, but God may have something for us to learn or address as the reason for us feeling disconnected. Reflecting on triggers of these feelings, when they started, looking for sin in your life (Psalm 139:23-24), and praying for God to give you wisdom and insights are important steps.

Questions to Ask Yourself When You Feel Alone:

• What types of circumstances in your life tend to make you feel more alone?
• What is an example of a past event that made you feel more alone or separated from God and people?
• Am I truly seeking community and connection, or am I just wanting community to come to me on my terms?
• Did any life circumstances change around the time you started to feel this way? If possible, should you go back to the way they were before?
• Is there any sin in your life that is causing it to be harder to connect with others? Lust, for example, is a common sin that makes it harder to connect because it distorts how you view others. Learn more about how to fight lust here.
• Is God removing distractions, so you can focus on Him? 
• Is God trying to help you be more content in your relationship with Him instead of relying on others?

Taking time to look back and consider why you feel alone can help you understand what you should do with these feelings.

Related Article: What Mark 5:14-20 Teaches us About Following God in Uncertainty

You Don’t Have to Go Through This Alone

We have all felt alone in some way. That is the bad news. The good news is we aren’t meant to go through hard times alone. 

No matter what you are going through in your life right now or later in life, God is always with you in it, and there are always believers who will joyfully come alongside you in whatever you are walking in. Often, you can even find people who have already been through the difficult things you are facing.

Challenges and other people are some of the main tools God uses to help us grow in our faith and to become more like Jesus. James 1:2-3 tells us, “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.”

This is really hard to actually live out, and I struggle with this for sure, but we should be glad because they help us grow closer to Jesus and become more like Him, which is our goal as Christians. These hard times are made possible because God grows closer to us; even if we don’t feel like He is with us, we can know He is because His word tells us. In verses like Isaiah 41:10, “Fear not, for I am with you,” and Deuteronomy 31:6, “the Lord your God goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”

Another benefit of going through a hard time is that you become more prepared to support other people when they are going through the same thing in the future. This allows you to be the person you wish you had when you were in their place and help them see what God is doing when they don’t have the eyes to see it yet.

How Psalm 34:17-18 Can Help When We Feel Alone

In Psalm 34:17-18, we see how God supported David when David felt alone and brokenhearted, which can help us when we feel alone and brokenhearted. Before we get to those verses, some quick context.

David was anointed to be king over Israel; the only problem was that there was still a current king named Saul. Saul at first was glad to have David around him, and Saul’s son was best friends with David, and Saul even gave one of his daughters to David in marriage. That all changed, and Saul became very jealous of David and wanted to kill David. 

This led to David always having to be on the run so that he could stay alive. He was always moving from one hiding place to another just to keep himself and his men safe. All of this could have led David to be mad at God, but instead, he let his brokenheartedness turn him to God instead of away from Him. This is what we should do as well. Let’s read from Psalm 34:17-18, which David wrote during a time of trouble.

When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears

    and delivers them out of all their troubles.

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted

    and saves the crushed in spirit.

– Psalm 34:17-18

Cry for Help, the Lord Hears

This starts with us crying for help. At times, we can feel we need to go through things alone, and we can’t ask for help. That isn’t wise or best. God wants us to ask Him for help; the enemy wants you to feel like you are alone. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness; it is a sign of strength, humility, and understanding that you don’t have to do it on your own. Asking God for help also shows you trust that “the Lord hears” you and cares about you. So when we are going through a hard time, we should ask God and other believers for help.

Delivers Them out of All Their Troubles

Next, it says it delivers them out of all their troubles. Unfortunately, because there is sin and brokenness in this world, there will always be brokenness around us. As a result, even when we believe in Jesus, we will have trouble. This does mean He can take away our trouble, and sometimes He will. But at times, He doesn’t, when He doesn’t remove hardship, we should trust that He has a plan with it and that His way is better, even if we don’t understand. When He doesn’t deliver us from it on earth, we can know that in heaven one day He will deliver us.

If God doesn’t remove the hardship, there is likely something we should learn or something God is growing in us through it. As a result, this is a good time to think about what God might be teaching us through this hard time. Sometimes it can be hard to see what God is teaching us while it is happening, but it is important to look back on what you learned in difficult times because that can help you see why you went through it and why God may have allowed you to go through it.

What About a Way Out of Temptation?

A quick aside that while God doesn’t promise to deliver you from trouble, He does promise to give you a way out of temptation to give in to sin. This is different than a hard time, and whenever we are tempted to sin in some way, we can trust there is a way of escape. You just need to have the eyes to see the way out and the willingness to take the way of escape. See more on 1 Corinthians 10:13 here.

Near to the Brokenhearted

Back to Psalms 34. The next part says The Lord is near to the brokenhearted. Nearness means we aren’t alone. Which is why, as Christians, we can know we are never alone. Especially when we feel brokenhearted, we should remember that God is with us even if it doesn’t feel like it. I need this reminder often, and I am sure some of you have needed it as well. The main point of nearness is comfort. When you feel God is near, you should feel comforted. This doesn’t mean the hard times are gone, but it does mean you can feel hope.

If you have ever had a loved one pass away, have you noticed that usually extended family and friends will come around the family to support them in this difficult time? The main way they are supporting them is by being near. Nearness allows them to better walk with the family through suffering, and even if the suffering doesn’t go away, it gets better with caring people. How much more comforting is the nearness of God.

Saves the Crushed in Spirit

Then the last line says He saves the crushed in spirit. Crushed in spirit is essentially feeling hopeless, while brokenhearted is more about grieving. This is similar, but two examples of how we may feel when walking in suffering. David is helping us see that when we are feeling intense sadness or hopelessness that God’s presence is near to us, and he saves us by delivering and restoring us.

Steps to Take When We Feel Brokenhearted or Alone

I think these verses help us see a clear roadmap for how we should respond when we feel alone or broken-hearted. So let’s recap this into a few steps you can take when we feel this way.

1. Ask God and other believers for help and trust that God hears. (cry for help, the Lord hears)
2. Trust that God will deliver you even if it isn’t the way you would prefer. Seek to understand the purpose of God’s plan. (delivers them out of all their troubles)
3. Be comforted by the nearness of God and talk openly with Him about how you are feeling. (Lord is near to the brokenhearted)
4. Trust that God can bring hope into any circumstance, no matter how hopeless it may feel. (saves the crushed in spirit)

Next Steps

When you feel alone or lonely as a Christian, remember that if you draw near to Him, He will draw near to you. Earnestly seek a Godly community to be invested in and be honest with them and God about how you are feeling, and let God and People support you. 

Revisit the reflection questions and steps above as often as needed to help you think and pray through what you should do when you feel alone. I’d love to hear from you in the comments below about anything that stood out to you and what actions, verses, or strategies have helped you in seasons of feeling alone.